Sign in as a parent (top right, near the SEARCH bar)
Click on your own name and icon (top right where you signed in)
Click MICROSOFT ACCOUNT
Click FAMILY (menu bar at the top)
Click on any child’s icon or name
Click XBOX PRIVACY SETTINGS
Sign in when prompted (Microsoft just wants to make sure you are you and not you kid)
Click on your child’s icon / gamer tag
Click PRIVACY
Change the settings you want to change
Click XBOX ONE ONLINE SAFETY
Change the settings you want to change
Be sure to click SAVE (at the bottom of the page).
Also note that every time you save the page reloads and select YOU, not the last person you were on, AND it changes to PRIVACY settings. This can be annoying if you are making a lot of changes.
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And what if a child wants to change his online privacy and safety settings without the family setup:-(
They can't :(
Step 9. Gamer tag doesn't show up.
I would call MS to clear that up.